Defining Judith Loewe

It's awkward to say the least when one has to define oneself.

Particularly when one isn't all that sure what one is.

March 2015 marked my first venture into writing erotic romance and as the year progressed, erotica. 2015 also saw me venturing into a genre where I'm a minority. Make that a minority among the minority. As a fellow female author noted, LW is a genre populated largely by "old lonely white males". I chuckled when I  first heard that because it rang so true - sorry guys. Make no mistake, I think some of the writers in LW are of the finest in the online erotica space. And I'm glad and honoured to call some of them friends. I've avoided even reading LW stories for so long simply because the vitriol and misogyny scared me in some of the first stories I'd read. I'd only dared venture further because some of the themes struck a cord in me that other genres perhaps missed.

Betrayal is a theme that triggers the worst response in humans and it's perhaps worse for someone like me. I'm a feminist and a liberal , I don't enjoy misogynistic behaviour so it came as a bit of a surprise that I thoroughly understood and empathised with the impulse to punish that comes with the BTB segment of LW. For me, the urge to punish is not so much directed solely at the female as it is directed at the one who violates trust. Readers and critics may ask why LW? Well, it could be for two very parochial reasons: betrayal by men are so common that it loses the shock factor and despite the feminist movement having made leaps over the decades, social mores dictate that women are supposed to be the faithful, steadfast half of heterosexual relationships. The latter makes me laugh because practically speaking, it would technically mean adultery should involve only married men and unmarried women or homosexual partners. Perhaps the real reason why LW is so gut wrenching is because most expect married women to be paragons of virtue and when expectations are that high, disappointment is inevitable and the consequent reaction is necessarily over the top.

So what is my position on all of this? I write LW stories because some stories just provoke roiling emotions and writing becomes a form of catharsis. 

As I've said to various commentators and friends, I write to entertain myself. As bad as it sounds, I'm in this because it's fun and I enjoy it. It's a bonus if readers enjoy it too. I don't want to be defined by the convenient categories that everyone likes sorting others into. I'm a bunch of contradictions. I'm an X% non-white female writer who is probably transiting from quarter life crisis hangover (10 years hangover) to midlife crisis. One who's pondering returning to the UK and going back to school, not the dreaming spires though, pretty sure another dose of that would drive me batty. One who's tired of loneliness but honest enough to tell the closest thing to a dream man that she doesn't love him enough to marry him. Maybe I'm just dumb.

So what's up in 2016?

Frankly,  I'm not too sure myself.

One thing's for sure: I'm going to rediscover the fun in writing and perhaps enjoy life in the meantime.  Happy 2016 everyone. Do read my stories if you can stand them. Would love to hear feedback.  😈😇🐣